During my chaste high school years, I can remember stealing glances at the “Kama Sutra” in Brentano’s and thinking it was fantastically erotic. Now, three decades later, I look at these sexual gymnastics and think of hip displacement. Alas, my virgin ardor, like Brentano’s, is gone.
But for lovers craving ever greater challenges in the boudoir, help is just one backflip away. Eland Sparklers, the pen name of a design team in England, has published “Kama Sutra: Connect-the-Dots” (Plume, $9.99).
Finally, someone has managed to combine the eroticism of the ancient Indian sex manual with the challenging games of a children’s placemat at Pizza Hut.
We’d like to show more images from the book (nothing but click bait!), but depending on your eye-hand coordination, they all seemed potentially NSFW. I can tell you, though, that each double-spread (sorry!) contains a description of a sexual position from the “Kama Sutra” on one side and a black-and-white drawing on the other — with most of the lovers’ NC-17 bits attenuated to numbered dots.
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Only one position is reduced entirely to numbered dots with no illustration at all: The Tantric Tortoise, which doesn’t sound like a technique you should try if you’re in a hurry — or can’t find a pencil.
Share this articleShareFrankly, I worry about these authors’ motives. The “Kama Sutra” was originally meant to explain the mysteries of sexual pleasure, so why make them more oblique with these spacey dots?
“Well, it extends the foreplay – obviously,” the authors tell me. “There is nothing like a slow reveal!”
True, but unfortunately, a recent study from the University of New South Wales indicates that Viagra may cause blurred vision in some men, which will only make connecting these dots more stressful for them.
The authors say they didn’t endure any serious injuries working on this book. “We’ve only suffered writers cramp from drawing endless positions and, of course, seeing dots before our eyes. It took much more concentration than we anticipated. We often lost our way dotting a path round the bodies and would have to retrace our steps.”
That sounds more like casing a crime scene than making love, but who am I to argue with the ancient mystic?
Vatsyayana, the 3rd-century Hindu philosopher, explained, “Kama is the enjoyment of appropriate objects by the five senses of hearing, feeling, seeing, tasting, and smelling, assisted by the mind together with the soul” — and, now, with the numbered dots, too.
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